A mother. A lover. A sister & a daughter.

Just someone trying to make it in the world and be the best I can be for my son.
~ Wednesday, April 18 ~
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“ Love is valuing the other person and refusing to devalue the other person.

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Things got really crappy for awhile. Now…now things are better than they have ever been. I have the best counselor in the world! My little family is amazing. Things have never been better.(:

Things got really crappy for awhile. Now…now things are better than they have ever been. I have the best counselor in the world! My little family is amazing. Things have never been better.(:


~ Wednesday, February 22 ~
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I have lost complete control of my life. I don’t know who I am anymore. And I don’t know why I stick around. He treats me like total crap. Comes home with “mysterious” scratch marks all on his back and a few hickies on his neck. I noticed the scratches this morning while rubbing his back. Took my phone and used the light to look. Confronted him and he played stupid. Went to the bathroom and noticed the hickies. Again confronted him. He tried saying they were from me. I don’t leave hickies. Not my thing. The scratch marks are only on the left side of his back…but who knows. And then tonight while watching one of our shows…he said something and I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and smirked…i didn’t find what he said to be all that funny…so he thought that I glared at him. He called me a fucking cunt and told me that I am sitting on his couch watching his cable under his roof and if I want to act like that then I can go to our room. Hm. Way to make me feel like a child. I’m lost. I love this man. But how can I love someone so much after four years of him lying and cheating and hateful outburst like that towards me. My son nor I deserve any of it. I’m just so lost. I want to go back to when I was pregnant. Things were better then. He treated me so much nicer. I feel all the love in my heart slowly but surely turning into serious hate. I don’t want to hate him. I’m just so lost. I just don’t know anymore. And I know he doesn’t love me or even want to be with me. He’s been done but because I want it to work out so badly he stays with me and also for our son. I just want to be loved the way I love him. The way I care about him. I may be “mean” sometimes…but I have every right to be. I think. I just want answers. The truth. But I’m not even worth that anymore.


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Who needs a therapist to talk with whenever you have this little boy who will listen to you and love you unconditionally. And will give you a huge hug and kiss whenever you are crying. Ask you to please stop crying cause it is okay. He is mature beyond his years. He will never understand what he means to me. He is my world. Mattox Andrew Talamantez, mommy loves you so much.

Who needs a therapist to talk with whenever you have this little boy who will listen to you and love you unconditionally. And will give you a huge hug and kiss whenever you are crying. Ask you to please stop crying cause it is okay. He is mature beyond his years.
He will never understand what he means to me. He is my world. Mattox Andrew Talamantez, mommy loves you so much.


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Mattox, Mommy had a wonderful time with you today at the park. We were there for almost two hours before it started getting dark. You had so much fun. You wanted to do everything. There were some little girls at the park and you waited for them to leave with their mommy and you pulled you pants down and went pee. Haha. It was good for you and I to get out of the house. We haven’t been able to actually get out of the house for awhile now. Actually go to the park and play. It was nice to see you smiling and running around getting dirty. Mommy is really sorry for everything that has been going between her and daddy. Things will get better. I promise you they will. I can’t tell you when or how they will get better but please know that they will and I NEVER plan on them being bad again. You always have so much fun whenever I take you to go do something. The bond you and me have is insane. I feel like right now we need each other and no one else. We can get by just fine, you and me. Love, Mom.

Mattox,
Mommy had a wonderful time with you today at the park. We were there for almost two hours before it started getting dark. You had so much fun. You wanted to do everything. There were some little girls at the park and you waited for them to leave with their mommy and you pulled you pants down and went pee. Haha.
It was good for you and I to get out of the house. We haven’t been able to actually get out of the house for awhile now. Actually go to the park and play. It was nice to see you smiling and running around getting dirty. Mommy is really sorry for everything that has been going between her and daddy. Things will get better. I promise you they will. I can’t tell you when or how they will get better but please know that they will and I NEVER plan on them being bad again.
You always have so much fun whenever I take you to go do something. The bond you and me have is insane. I feel like right now we need each other and no one else. We can get by just fine, you and me.

Love,
Mom.


~ Tuesday, February 21 ~
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“ A relationship without trust is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won’t go anywhere.

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Mattox, my dear son. One day I hope you will understand my reasons for everything that I have done for us. You are my world. You complete me. Son, I will do anything to protect you in any possible way from all the harm in the world. I NEVER want you to EVER have to go through what I have gone through. Those are things NO child should ever have to go through. One day, one day you will understand it all. I PROMISE you. Whenever you are old enough to understand what I am talking about you and I will sit down and talk about EVERYTHING that has gone on since you were born. I promise. Love, Mom.

Mattox, my dear son. One day I hope you will understand my reasons for everything that I have done for us. You are my world. You complete me. Son, I will do anything to protect you in any possible way from all the harm in the world. I NEVER want you to EVER have to go through what I have gone through. Those are things NO child should ever have to go through. One day, one day you will understand it all. I PROMISE you. Whenever you are old enough to understand what I am talking about you and I will sit down and talk about EVERYTHING that has gone on since you were born. I promise.
Love,
Mom.


~ Wednesday, February 8 ~
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Mattox learning how to ride the scooter he got for his birthday is the most adorable thing ever. He completes me.

Mattox learning how to ride the scooter he got for his birthday is the most adorable thing ever. He completes me.


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The most beautiful roses I have gotten.

The most beautiful roses I have gotten.


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Oh my. Where can I get these?!?! I LOVE pink.

Oh my. Where can I get these?!?! I LOVE pink.


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